Difficulty in focusing

Lately I've been finding it hard to focus.

I think it's been going on for a while now. So I guess I shouldn't say lately.

Up until early 2021 I felt that I was in control of things. 

I could work, whether from home or from the office, depending what the situation was like and what the directives were from the university.

I'd attend meeting, give lectures, run my various committees under my portfolio as Assistant Dean for External and Global Engagement. 

Then I'd go home, spend a little time with the family, have dinner, pray, and then continue working - either continue with work from the university, or working on my own work - content creation, writing my various book projects, make videos. 

There was always something that I would do, and I would do them because I wanted to do them, and I had the energy and the willpower to do them.

But of late, that seems to have all dissipated.

I'd go home after work, and just look at the computer after dinner. 

My head is swimming with the work that needs to be done, but I just can't lay them out one by one, and deal with them pre-emptively, before they burden my brain.

My Youtube channel seems to have gone very quiet. It's probably been about 3 months since my last video. I want to make more, but that's just the problem - I can't seem to focus. I can't write my scripts, or even pen out my thoughts. 

I want to say it's a mental block, but I feel it's much, much more. 

I am in constant reaction mode now I think. But I've been that way since I took up my first admin post more than 5 years ago. I've been under much, much more pressure than I am under now, but this time it feels different. 

I feel my mental resilience has gotten thin.

It takes so much effort to read through all the emails and WA messages that flood in every single day. 

It takes so much effort to plan out my schedule and my todos.

It takes so much effort to basically do anything, except react to work.

I just can't focus.