Time (edited)

(Forgive the gross spelling errors before as this entry was thumb-typed form my iPhone)

I now sit here all alone in this deserted lecture room..

My mind goes blank for a while as I reflect on how I had to rush everything to make it to this very spot.. Rushed paperwork, rushed driving, rushed lunch, rushed prayers... All so that I could make it in time to evaluate a public speaking session..

And yet, here I am... Alone...

As I wait, the door of the room opens.

I see a young man with pleasant Somali features approach me. The troubled look on his was clear indication that something had not gone according to plan.

"Mr Abdullah..." he starts, with a very apologetic voice "I'm very sorry to inform you that the other session has not finished yet... They started late, so we're going to have to postpone your session... I'm very sorry for the inconvenience"

"It's ok" I reassure him "It's not your fault"

He thanks me for understanding and walks away.

I'm still here... Alone... In this deserted lecture room... Wondering why Malaysians seem to have a habit of tardiness without realising the implications on other people's time...

Indoctri-Nation for the Nation (Part 1)

B.T.N...

These three letters are synonymous with indoctrination, politics, mental and physical 'torture', and the like.

Biro Tata Negara - responsible for handling the infamous Kursus Tata Negara and recently the Kursus Kenegaraan.

'Not again...' I mentally sighed as I held the calling letter in my hand. I was to report at the Balik Pulau BTN camp on the 22nd of October. This would be the third BTN camp I attended, and being an old hand at the game, it wasn't so much the 'torture' (that's just urban myth to scare

people from attending BTN) as it was the boring lectures about Malaysia this, and Malaysia that... All the things we learned at school regurgitated back to in a space of 5 days.

And it wasn't that it was that bad of a course (based on the previous ones that I had attended). but it was just that there was so much work to be done at the office, and also it meant time away from my son and my newly-pregnant wife.

But there was nothing I could do as it was a prerequisite for all prospective students, whether for Masters, PhD or Sub-specialization, who were going overseas for their studies.

So I grit my teeth, packed my bags, and took a connecting flight to Penang.

Upon arrival, I hailed a taxi, and we hunted for the camp. Believe it or not even the taxi driver had never been there before because it was so remote. The only mobile network which covered the area was Celcom (no doubt installed after a Celcom bigwig was put through the course there!).

But find it we eventually did, and a beautiful place it was indeed... fresh ocean breeze blowing through the dormitories... the waved creating a lullaby with each kiss to the shore... If it had not been for the impending activities and lectures I would have broken out a picnic basket.

Instead this was the sight that greeted me.

And these were my fellow 'detainees'. All with the same unhappy look, filled with gloom at the prospect of spending 5 whole days there.

I could see that this was going to be a loooooooong week ahead...

And it all crumbles to dust..

Picture credit here

'Hey...'

'It's over...'

'My husband found out about us... It's over...I finally filed... for divorce'

I cannot say that I was surprised at the words that I heard from her.

She was on a crash course the minute she let her former lover back into her life... Not that she did anything overtly wrong... A call here here, an sms there, a Facebook message... but all spiralling faster and faster to the same direction... She was a beautiful 30-something, full of life, and so much to give, trapped in a dead-end... Married for more than 5 or 6 years, husband who didn't appreciate her, staying together not so much that she wanted to be with the husband, but more of staying together for the children...

And the sad truth is - she wasn't the only one.

Many women have confided in me the same thing... Each and every one different women, from different walks of life, with different careers, and different histories... Yet their stories are so common that I could easily tell one woman's story, and another woman would claim it was hers.

It's a different ball-game, being 30-something, and feeling that your marriage has failed you. It's even more devastating when you can't help yourself when you are drawn to that special someone, who listens to you as you pour your heart out... He could be the friend you've known all your life, an old flame, or even a colleague, but they all have one thing in common - they understand you heart and soul, they know you inside out - even better your own husband, and in another life, they would have been your soulmates...

But not in this.

And you know it... and try to let go...

Some of you can...

But some of you find the pull too irresistible...

Like a moth to the flame, drawn closer and closer, until it is engulfed in flame.

Indeed, I find it sad that the sacred bond of marriage is so very fragile, that if pushed enough, will disintegrate upon touch.

However, in no way do I blame the women for what they go through.

I know that they have gone through hell and back, scarred and burnt, but ready to forge a new life for themselves...though for some it may take a longer time than others to realise this...to take the chance and brave the road not taken.

All this has made me reevaluate my own marriage, and my position in the marriage. I realise that these stories are symptomatic of a major cause.

A husband should always try to show his love and appreciation to his wife, no matter how long they've been married , or how many children they have.

Or the consequences could be shattering...

Tired mind...

It is now 11.43pm...

Tired...

Just got back home only about 43 mins ago...

My head is just spinning with an onslaught of never-ending thoughts, bits and pieces, a cacophony of images and sounds and sights and feelings. It's like a broken TV in my head that I just can't turn off no matter how hard I try.

The human mind is supposed to be able to filter 90% of unnecessary information at any single time, whether they originate from the external senses or the internal thought processes.

The rationale is simple - too much information and the human mind breaks.

My filtering is probably down to 85% tonight, and even then it's driving me up the wall.

Work...classes... meetings... deadlines... vetting for exams... coordinator for UHB 2422... Marks... Adel's not feeling well... Salmah's coming down with flu... swimming... gym... Ikea... Social benchmarking... consolidation of solidarity...friend's husband's a jerk... need time for herself... why can't men understand how women feel?... other people's problems... relationships... Miley Cyrus(???)...

It's a jungle in there.

Maybe I'm just just tired...

Or maybe I'm listening to too many people's problems in too short a space of time?

Or maybe it's a combination?...

I dunno...

Quote of the Day

I came across this beautiful quote today:

"Don't cry because it's over.

Smile because it happened"

- Dr Seuss

And they grow up so fast

It just happens so fast.

It only seems like yesterday that I held my newborn son in my hands, so small and fragile... and I saw him opening his eyes for the very first time... Jet black eyes, seemingly so big and tender on his little face.

And there he was this morning, waving goodbye to me, with his hand in his teacher's and walking towards the kindergarten.

I remember the range of emotions I felt as I saw him walk away. I was proud that he was such a big boy, not crying going to school for the first time, in a sea full of strangers both big and small.

I was happy, but as I drove away I became a little sad to know that my little boy had already started the next step of his journey. Pretty soon, he would be in school, and then high school and college...where he would start asking me for ever-growing amounts of money, borrow my car and put a dent in the bumper... And he would start chasing after girls (and If I read the cards right he's going to be chased around quite often too!)...

But all that can wait.

Today, he's just my little boy, that I can pick up and kiss at any time of the day. My little boy who would shower me with unrivaled love and affection.

I can't wait to pick him up from school soon.

Cow's head conundrum

Fifty local residents protest the building of a temple by marching with a bloodied cow's head.

They want to march in protest? Fine, it is their right. I would probably do the same if I felt extremely provoked in some way, over an issue that was important to me.

Marching with a severed cow's head? Stupid, irresponsible, uncouth, insensitive, moronic, and totally idiotic.

The very fact that these protesters chose to desecrate the religious symbol of another race and religion shows how small minded, how provincial, how insensitive they are of basic respect among human beings, especially in a country such as ours. Don't they realise that they have desecrated something holy to other people?

Don't they realise that this action is the same as a group of Hindus marching through the streets, protesting the building of a mosque, with a burnt Quran in hand???

It is an act of open aggression. An act of open war.

Is this how we would like others to treat us?

Does the rule to do unto others how you want others to do unto you no longer apply?

You can protest, yes, but NEVER can you show this amount of disrespect to people of another race or religion.

In the Holy Quran it is stated in Surah Al-Kafiroon:

"Lakum deenukum wa liya deen" (for you your religion/way of life, and for me my religion). Muslims need to truly understand this ayah in the Holy Quran to be able to develop into a more tolerant people worldwide.

Even the Prophet (peace be upon him) never in his whole life indulged in this behaviour. In fact, in the Medinah Accord, the Jews (as Non-Muslims) were given the same accord, protection, and rights to their religion, as long as they did not disturb the peace, and fought side by side with their Muslim compatriots should Medinah be attacked from an outside threat. Medinah, under the guidance of the Prophet (p.b.u.h) was a haven of peace, and religious equality.

As Muslims, I think we need to reevaluate ourselves. Instead of taking the Zionist stance of "We are the chosen people of God, and we will prevail", I think we should start thinking in terms of "If we are the chosen people of God, then let our deeds to others show it".

They too are creations of our Lord.