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And it all crumbles to dust..

Picture credit here


'It's over...'

'My husband found out about us... It's over...I finally filed... for divorce'

I cannot say that I was surprised at the words that I heard from her.

She was on a crash course the minute she let her former lover back into her life... Not that she did anything overtly wrong... A call here here, an sms there, a Facebook message... but all spiralling faster and faster to the same direction... She was a beautiful 30-something, full of life, and so much to give, trapped in a dead-end... Married for more than 5 or 6 years, husband who didn't appreciate her, staying together not so much that she wanted to be with the husband, but more of staying together for the children...

And the sad truth is - she wasn't the only one.

Many women have confided in me the same thing... Each and every one different women, from different walks of life, with different careers, and different histories... Yet their stories are so common that I could easily tell one woman's story, and another woman would claim it was hers.

It's a different ball-game, being 30-something, and feeling that your marriage has failed you. It's even more devastating when you can't help yourself when you are drawn to that special someone, who listens to you as you pour your heart out... He could be the friend you've known all your life, an old flame, or even a colleague, but they all have one thing in common - they understand you heart and soul, they know you inside out - even better your own husband, and in another life, they would have been your soulmates...

But not in this.

And you know it... and try to let go...

Some of you can...

But some of you find the pull too irresistible...

Like a moth to the flame, drawn closer and closer, until it is engulfed in flame.

Indeed, I find it sad that the sacred bond of marriage is so very fragile, that if pushed enough, will disintegrate upon touch.

However, in no way do I blame the women for what they go through.

I know that they have gone through hell and back, scarred and burnt, but ready to forge a new life for themselves...though for some it may take a longer time than others to realise take the chance and brave the road not taken.

All this has made me reevaluate my own marriage, and my position in the marriage. I realise that these stories are symptomatic of a major cause.

A husband should always try to show his love and appreciation to his wife, no matter how long they've been married , or how many children they have.

Or the consequences could be shattering...


Audrey Wiles said…
great to see u bloggin... only just realised u hv one. keep it up! ps your boy's a cutie!
Abdullah said…
Cheers Audrey... long time no see! Keep in touch eh?
many gals confided in you eh -- lucky devil looks like many a 30something women's modern dilemma!
Cat-in-Sydney said…
Father of Biscuit,
This cat will always stay single. My Mama says it's easier that way. You agree? But I can always confide in you too, right?'s biscuit? haven't seen him awhile.
arsaili said…
salam..not to late to wish u selamat hari raya maaf zahir batin. Dah balik oz dah..just a short trip back home for raya. Raya mana?

Hot issue yea entry kali ni but thats d reality bites!
percicilan said…
If all of them seems to be going to you, then I suggest, YOU be careful too :)
Otherwise, your wife may be pushed out of the ring, unintentionally of course..
Love doesn't make a successful marriage. It takes tons of effort, understanding and constant evaluation of the relationship to succeed.

And to stay away from the opposite sex as far as possible. Your intentions may be noble; but you never know what's brewing in the other's mind. And before long, you might lose that special thing you had in life..
Abdullah said…
Nini - it's kinda like a radar I have..when something's wrong I sense it, and ask them...and they tell me... (or so I think)

Cat - being single and free has it's perks...but I'm happy to be tied down ;) p.s Biscuit sends his regards...he's as big as your friend Garfield now...

Arsaili - not too late at all my friend... back down under eh? i trust u had a good holiday back home..

CC - ooh errr... (I hadn't really thought about that)

Ed - amen to that bro...
Greg Wee said…
Many people make the mistake of thinking that a marriage will work well when you find the ideal partner. What they don't know is that most of the time, we have maybe a 60-75% match, and we have to work the other 25-40%. That's one of the reasons why so many people just walk out because of irreconcilable differences. That's taking the easy way out. Most of the time.
anaqi_suhaizad said…
i'm going to smile like nothings wrong, talk like evritings perfect, act like it's all a dream, and pretend it's not hurting me..
Ms Lavendar said…
One question: Why do these women cry out at YOU?

ha? ha? ha? why?

Abdullah said…
Greg - too true my brother... It requires effort and commitment to work.

Suzy - everybody are definitely not alone

Ms Lavendar - hmmmm...(thinking)

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