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I was on a roll last week, writing close to 5000 words in 3 days, and I felt bloody good about it.

You see the thing about feeling good is that it can lead you off track, and make you think you deserve a break. And like the most natural reaction to hard time labour, you feel you've earned it. You stop your writing and think - "Know what? I'll just take the day off and carry on where I left off yesterday. No problem. No fuss. Done and done."

And you take it.

You take that day off. You spend it with the family doing the things that you should be doing as a family, taking them out to the park, shopping mall/movies, and you chill out for the rest of the day. And at the end of the day, you tell yourself - I'll pick up bright and early tomorrow and continue. No problem. No worries.

Except that because you've grown accustomed to working at night (the only time your kids are in bed), you can't just fall asleep, just like that. So you go online. Check those emails. Log into Facebook. Keep up to date on the latest tech news. You know that you should be continuing where you left off, but you tell yourself - hey it's my day off. I'll pick up where I left off tomorrow. Except that because you slept at 4am, you don't wake up until 1030am, and by the time you've gotten yourself sorted out, it's 1130am. And you kinda feel reluctant to start working on that damn thesis because your head still hurts and you're feeling all zoned out. And you think - "I'll start work in the afternoon".

Except that when the afternoon comes, because your wife is so tired from her pre-dawn job, you have to fetch your son from kindergarten. And so you do. And when your son comes home, he immediately gets into a fight with his elder brother who is at home, and the bickering and crying progress well into the time when you said you'd start your work. And you can't really start because they're making such a ruckus. And you can't just up and leave your heavily pregnant wife who is still sleeping off the fatigue from the morning to deal with all the anarchy when she wakes up. And heavens you can't leave the kids alone to their own devices, unattended.

And so you do what you can. Until your wife wakes up and takes over. And you go back to the study to get some work done. But you're already drained. And you can't really remember where you left off. So you say - I'll pick up where I left off tomorrow. And proceed to take the rest of the day off. I mean, it's only two days right? You can work over the weekend right?


So it's back to square one. In fact, it's less than square one, because you can't really remember where you left off.

You've lost momentum.

And there's no excuse this time.

Suck it up and get back to work.


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I am in a hotel room.

It is unclear who else is in the room. It must be my family. But I am uncertain. I know I am in the room with people I love.

The hotel room is in a building that towers above ground level, and we can see all the houses below.

I am in Hawaii I think. How I know that I do not know. All I know is that we are beside the ocean.

I feel unsettled as I look out the window. Something is compelling me to look outside the window. It is getting dark. But I know by right it should not be dark. It is midday. And then I see it.

In front of me a huge storm cloud is gathering. But I start to quiver because it looks like no ordinary storm. The clouds are pitch black. Black as death. My eyes follow their shape to where they originate. I gasp.

I see a gigantic water spout, a tornado in the ocean, funnelling its energy to the black cloud. The water spout is also pitch black. Rain now pours uncontrollably. It is a hurricane at its full blast, but not just that. It is much, much more.

Aku, Bini dan Ginger Beer

Aku haus...

Tekakku yang kering ini menginginkan rasanya yang menenangkan jiwa itu...

Perasaannya apabila ku menggenggam botol kacanya yang sejuk dan berwap-wap dan mengangkatnya keluar peti ais kecilku, perasaannya seperti seorang kanak-kanak Taman Keramat memegang aiskrim Malaysia 10sen pada hari yang panas membara...

Riang... Nikmat... Penantian yang menyiksakan, tetapi penantian yang lazat...

Dengan pergerakan yang perlahan seperti 'slow-motion' dalam sinetron Indonesia kegemaran surirumah-surirumah di Malaysia, muncung botol Ginger Beer kegemaranku mampir bibirku yang terketar-ketar sedikit, sehinggalah aku dapat rasa cecair yang sejuk membasahi tekakku...


Sedap tidak terperi...

Aku menghulurkan kepada biniku, dan dia juga meneguk kenikmatan...

Aku menadah tangan meminta kembali Ginger Beer kesayanganku yang berjenama Bundaberg buatan New Zealand.

Saat itu tidak tiba-tiba...

Aku tertanya-tanya... Mata terkebil-kebil...

"Ni saya punya ya Bang..." ujar …