Sometimes one wonders how our two species even co-exist on the same planet here on Earth (though I do not dispute that I cannot do without these heavenly creatures). I know that it's a cliche, but men and women really have different ways of communicating. In this post and in some other future posts I will try to decipher some of the wonderful and mysterious ways that women try to convey their messages with.
I think, one that remains a delightful mystery is the method of communication that I like to call the "Tone and Pitch GPS device". For some reason, I've noticed that many women that I've come into contact with have the abilty to transfer coded map information in the pitch and tone of their voices. It's a wonderfully mysterious device that I seem to have been born without... And oh how I wish I could own one. Allow me to illustrate:
During my sister's wedding recently, almost all my uncles and aunts attended, and of course, while they were in JB they managed to get in touch with their friends and some made arrangements to meet up. It was then that I was introduced to this one Datin who was a friend of my aunt. Delighted to see her old friend, she (the Datin) insisted that I drive my aunt over to her house when I had the time. I of course obliged, and like any good designated chauffer, I asked the wonderfully loudspoken Datin where her house was...
Upon which she said "Oh, you know the Kempas road?"
Upon which I shook my head to indicate my polite ignorance.
Upon which she said again, but in a slightly higher tone, tingling with the slightest twinge of a vibrato (which of course helped to send the coordinates) "You know, the Kempas road?"
Again, because of an absent decoder, I said "No...", but I did what any normal male would do - get my bearings and try to work from a common landmark. So I dutifully asked "OK, let's say if I were to approach the Pasir Gudang highway and go up the flyover, would that take me closer to your house?"
At first, I could see her pause for thought (about one and a half seconds I believe it was), as she tried to comprehend the concept of finding a common landmark.
"Erm.." She began, "When you reach the Pasir Gudang... erm... Flyover... you... erm..."
I could see that it was all a bit too much for her, and I could see how distressed she was at how inept I was at reading her encoded GPS signals in the tone and pitch of her voice, so she gave me one final treat - a full frequency encoding through her most powerful tone and pitch modulators "OH YOU KNOW...THE KEMPAS ROAD? THE KEMPAS ROAD?" all the while smiling and nodding enthusiastically "THE KEMPAS ROAD???"
Of course raising her pitch and tone made me know the exact coordinates her house was at... If I was a woman that was...
But... Unfortunately my masculine body was not equipped to handle this kind of subtle communication. I did what any male would do, when trying to please a woman...
Feign understanding, nod, and smile.