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Pause to reflect

I am packing my room/office.


We are going to move out of our house tomorrow. 


This house, where we have shared so much joy and laughter, me, my son and my wife... my family.


All of a sudden, a harrowing sense of sadness threatens to overwhelm me.


We are moving out of our family home, to rent it out to complete strangers (a nice enough family but still), and I will be uprooting my wife and son from everything we've ever known as a family. 


We will be staying with my parents is Skudai. My son will transfer to the Skudai branch of his kindergarten, having to start over again with new teachers and new friends. My wife will now have to travel the arduous 30-45minute journey to her school from Skudai, heading out at 6.15am in case of the jam.


Strangers in a strange land.


And for what? A chance that we can go overseas to NZ. A guarantee? No... As much as I hate to admit it, this uncertainty is tearing away at my soul, and I can't help but wonder... What am I doing? What am I doing to my family?


What if this NZ thing does not go through? What if we're stuck at my parents' home with no way to get back to our own because we have already leased it out for 3 years?


We have sold our cars.


We have leased out the house.


We have cut credit cards, made arrangements to cut services, basically cutting everything we have just for the chance to go to NZ.


So many risky gambits I am now taking, over something that should have been so easy, but has been made ultimately difficult.


I am bitter.


I resume packing.



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Comments

Cat-from-Sydney said…
Errrr....where's Biscuit going? purrr....meow!
April 28, 2010 at 11:31 PM
Abdullah Mohd Nawi said…
Cat – there’s actually a reason for that.. One that I have kept quiet for some time, but I guess I can talk about it now.

About 4 months back (I think it was), Biscuit went out for his daily romp, and never came back. I don’t know what happened, whether he got hit by a car, got chased by dogs, got catnapped… It was a bit hard to accept, but we have to move on…

Wherever he is, I hope he is in a better place, or a better home.
April 29, 2010 at 4:24 AM
Anonymous said…
Que sera sera dude... que sera sera...
That will give you the best outcome at the end of the day... you noe?
April 30, 2010 at 3:32 AM
Anonymous said…
I guess all of us feel for you. My prayers and hopes (fingers crossed) goes to you bro..

New Zealand needs more people anyway; lest the sheeps stage a coup.. :)
May 2, 2010 at 2:05 AM
Anonymous said…
Don't allow the challenging moment... to grow into a bigger problem by ur mind – worrying!

Most of the time, opportunities appear in the disguised garb of problems....so,jgn risau wokeh! :)
May 2, 2010 at 2:22 AM
Razee Salleh said…
Hiya Bro,

Yikes, you do have quite a situation there. However, live in the belief that good things happen to good people.

You have those who care for you and care for in return, around you, and that is most important. NZ will come through in the end. Insyaallah.
May 2, 2010 at 9:16 PM
Iman Hayat said…
i know the feeling. we moved around all the time during my childhood. (KL-JB-US-JB-UK-JB) as a child it was definitely not easy to adapt and fit in.

but all those years of moving around and changing schools and environments across the globe made me what i am today. and i am grateful to have gained a wider perspective on things from the experience.

ur son will do just fine. i'm sure :)

PS: we stopped moving around and settled into a REAL home when i was 14 (10 years ago). and living and working in a different state now really makes me homesick...for the first time in my life.
May 10, 2010 at 12:36 AM
Abdullah Mohd Nawi said…
Thanks guys.. I know that this all fits into the Greater Plan somehow :)
May 10, 2010 at 2:38 PM
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