Skip to main content

Pause to reflect

I am packing my room/office.


We are going to move out of our house tomorrow. 


This house, where we have shared so much joy and laughter, me, my son and my wife... my family.


All of a sudden, a harrowing sense of sadness threatens to overwhelm me.


We are moving out of our family home, to rent it out to complete strangers (a nice enough family but still), and I will be uprooting my wife and son from everything we've ever known as a family. 


We will be staying with my parents is Skudai. My son will transfer to the Skudai branch of his kindergarten, having to start over again with new teachers and new friends. My wife will now have to travel the arduous 30-45minute journey to her school from Skudai, heading out at 6.15am in case of the jam.


Strangers in a strange land.


And for what? A chance that we can go overseas to NZ. A guarantee? No... As much as I hate to admit it, this uncertainty is tearing away at my soul, and I can't help but wonder... What am I doing? What am I doing to my family?


What if this NZ thing does not go through? What if we're stuck at my parents' home with no way to get back to our own because we have already leased it out for 3 years?


We have sold our cars.


We have leased out the house.


We have cut credit cards, made arrangements to cut services, basically cutting everything we have just for the chance to go to NZ.


So many risky gambits I am now taking, over something that should have been so easy, but has been made ultimately difficult.


I am bitter.


I resume packing.



SHARE THIS


Comments

Cat-in-Sydney said…
Errrr....where's Biscuit going? purrr....meow!
Abdullah said…
Cat – there’s actually a reason for that.. One that I have kept quiet for some time, but I guess I can talk about it now.

About 4 months back (I think it was), Biscuit went out for his daily romp, and never came back. I don’t know what happened, whether he got hit by a car, got chased by dogs, got catnapped… It was a bit hard to accept, but we have to move on…

Wherever he is, I hope he is in a better place, or a better home.
percicilan said…
Que sera sera dude... que sera sera...
That will give you the best outcome at the end of the day... you noe?
Che Eduardo said…
I guess all of us feel for you. My prayers and hopes (fingers crossed) goes to you bro..

New Zealand needs more people anyway; lest the sheeps stage a coup.. :)
Nia Sarah said…
Don't allow the challenging moment... to grow into a bigger problem by ur mind – worrying!

Most of the time, opportunities appear in the disguised garb of problems....so,jgn risau wokeh! :)
Razee Salleh said…
Hiya Bro,

Yikes, you do have quite a situation there. However, live in the belief that good things happen to good people.

You have those who care for you and care for in return, around you, and that is most important. NZ will come through in the end. Insyaallah.
iHayat said…
i know the feeling. we moved around all the time during my childhood. (KL-JB-US-JB-UK-JB) as a child it was definitely not easy to adapt and fit in.

but all those years of moving around and changing schools and environments across the globe made me what i am today. and i am grateful to have gained a wider perspective on things from the experience.

ur son will do just fine. i'm sure :)

PS: we stopped moving around and settled into a REAL home when i was 14 (10 years ago). and living and working in a different state now really makes me homesick...for the first time in my life.
Abdullah said…
Thanks guys.. I know that this all fits into the Greater Plan somehow :)
syhcool said…
Next, do the same thing for the pandora jewerly right front side of the shirt.Once you have done Pandora Bangles both front sides of the shirt, you then will need pandora bead to do the back of the shirt. Take the shirt and place the back of the discount pandora shirt so that the direct middle is on the ironing board. The pandora sale back collar of the shirt should be right up at the edge discount pandora charms of the "head" of the ironing board or even slightly hanging off. Pull the bottom buy pandora bracelets of the shirt to create that taught resistance again and pandora beads charms begin to spray the shirt and iron in the opposite direction of pandora earrings the pull.

Popular posts from this blog

Forgiveness

How does one forgive someone who has done them and their loved ones so much wrong?

This is a question that I struggle with, and have always struggled with for a long time. 
How does one push past the pain and suffering that a person had willingly caused, worse yet, caused to someone that they loved. We stand at the sidelines, and feel ourselves slighted, yet the pain we feel is minuscule, compared to the earth-shattering hurt our loved one experiences. Yet we are powerless, drowning in a helplessness, grasping for any lifeline that can pull ourselves out from the deep. 
How can we let go when hatred is all we know. A hatred that festered from seeds of dislike. This poison that we feed ourselves. Yet it is all we know. 
How does one tell oneself to let go?
If a person murders your son, and returns a month later, saying he is genuinely sorry; what would you do? He comes in and says he will pay for the cleaning bill, to wipe the blood stains off the floor, and to send the carpet for dry…

The End

I am in a hotel room.

It is unclear who else is in the room. It must be my family. But I am uncertain. I know I am in the room with people I love.

The hotel room is in a building that towers above ground level, and we can see all the houses below.

I am in Hawaii I think. How I know that I do not know. All I know is that we are beside the ocean.

I feel unsettled as I look out the window. Something is compelling me to look outside the window. It is getting dark. But I know by right it should not be dark. It is midday. And then I see it.

In front of me a huge storm cloud is gathering. But I start to quiver because it looks like no ordinary storm. The clouds are pitch black. Black as death. My eyes follow their shape to where they originate. I gasp.

I see a gigantic water spout, a tornado in the ocean, funnelling its energy to the black cloud. The water spout is also pitch black. Rain now pours uncontrollably. It is a hurricane at its full blast, but not just that. It is much, much more.

Aku, Bini dan Ginger Beer

Aku haus...

Tekakku yang kering ini menginginkan rasanya yang menenangkan jiwa itu...

Perasaannya apabila ku menggenggam botol kacanya yang sejuk dan berwap-wap dan mengangkatnya keluar peti ais kecilku, perasaannya seperti seorang kanak-kanak Taman Keramat memegang aiskrim Malaysia 10sen pada hari yang panas membara...

Riang... Nikmat... Penantian yang menyiksakan, tetapi penantian yang lazat...

Dengan pergerakan yang perlahan seperti 'slow-motion' dalam sinetron Indonesia kegemaran surirumah-surirumah di Malaysia, muncung botol Ginger Beer kegemaranku mampir bibirku yang terketar-ketar sedikit, sehinggalah aku dapat rasa cecair yang sejuk membasahi tekakku...

Nikmat...

Sedap tidak terperi...

Aku menghulurkan kepada biniku, dan dia juga meneguk kenikmatan...

Aku menadah tangan meminta kembali Ginger Beer kesayanganku yang berjenama Bundaberg buatan New Zealand.

Saat itu tidak tiba-tiba...

Aku tertanya-tanya... Mata terkebil-kebil...

"Ni saya punya ya Bang..." ujar …