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Hospital Horror

Being hospitalised changes you. You are no more the same person after spending an extended period of time in a hospital bed.

I should know...

I was warded for almost 2 weeks. Every day asking the Almighty "will I make it through this?", and praying, every second of the day "Lord, please help me through this... I want to see my beautiful wife, my darling little boy, my loving family..."

These thoughts streamed constantly through my mind, like a litany for the forsaken...

And though its OK most of the time for me, there are certain times when the phobia overtakes me...

 

And this is one of those times...

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I am now in the hospital ward, keeping vigil for my grandmother, who may very well be on her deathbed. Just half an hour ago, I relieved my father, who had been by her side for hours...His mother...the woman who was his world...who brought him and raised him in the best way possible...

I walked up to my father, clasped his hands and kissed him on the cheeks... He seemed tired...bone weary... He had just driven back from a board meeting in Kemaman. Drove straight back when he heard the news. Arrived at 4am this morning, poor man. It touches me to the very core to see how much my father loves his mother, and how much devotion he gives her.

I am truly blessed in that my father is the role model for how a son should be. I pray to the Almighty that throughout my life I can be as good a son to my parents. To always please them in any way I can. To always tend to their needs, in every stage of their lives. To be the best son I can be...

Which brings me back to the present...

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Here I am, beside my grandmother. Seeing her like this breaks my heart...so weak and frail...her face expressionless, where there was always a radiant smile...

And the worst part is all I can think about is my own fear...

Every beep of the monitors reminiscent of my own time in incarceration, every shrill whistle of the machines bringing my thoughts to the feelings of dread...

It's almost too much to handle...

But I must...

Lord, give me strength 

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Comments

azie said…
i had been through all that. i slept in hospital everytime my father admitted. but the day he passed away, i wasn't there. i wasn't a good daughter.

be strong. i will also pray so that everything will turn out fine for u:)
August 11, 2008 at 12:51 AM
Abdullah Mohd Nawi said…
Thank you Azie... Your kind thoughts are a beacon in my times of darkness.

And I truly am sorry to hear about your father, and I know that you are, and always will be, a good daughter.
August 11, 2008 at 1:06 AM
A t i Q a h said…
Sir, be strong ya. Your dad must be in need of you in this critical time.
August 11, 2008 at 6:34 AM
Missus A said…
prayers for you and family insya allah... ameen
August 11, 2008 at 1:03 PM
Yana Ismail said…
Sir, be strong ok? I know you can do it!

Ya Allah, give them strength!
August 12, 2008 at 9:03 AM
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